What’s that, Will, you were scared by a Rainbow Bright movie as a child? Really? Well. If you watch this bizarre animated nightmare, you will understand. Trust me.
There are many, many terrifying things about this movie. Though the things that frighten me about it differ now that I’m an adult (sorta), it’s still pretty scary. The plot revolves around Rainbow Brite, a chubby little thing who rides around on a horse named Starlight (gayest horse ever. Just listen to the way he talks) and shoots rainbows out in front of her for him to stand on. Rainbow Brite is addicted to star sprinkles, which get her high enough to use her “powers.” The “Color Kids” run the mining operation to extract the star sprinkles from the Earth and refine them into the good stuff.
Anyway, Spring isn’t coming this year because there’s an evil princess wrapping a rope around the giant diamond that is the center of all light and warmth in the universe, essentially blocking it out, because she wants to own it. She sports a totally rad Cindy Lauper haircut and has a jewel that shoots pink lazers, among other things. Totally rad.
What scared me about this movie as a kid? The princess’ dark fortress (which is actually pretty cool), the tar monster, the robots that shoot rope and enslave people with mind beams, the man-eating lizard-guys. I dunno. Take your pick. The overall aesthetic of this film is much darker than what you’d expect to find in a kid’s movie, let alone one about a girl who eats sparkles and shoots rainbows. (not sure if she actually eats them, but that sounds good.)
A playlist of the entire movie on YouTube can be found here.
If you want to learn more about Rainbow Brite. (Don’t try and pretend like you don’t.) You can look on her Wikipedia page!