Gwildor Loves You
What do you do when you’ve been commissioned to make a fantasy cartoon based on toys into a live-action feature film? Keep in mind that it’s the 80’s, and you’ve been given $17 million or so. Hiring Henson’s people is out. Besides, they’re working on A Muppet Family Christmas. The cartoon has, among other whimsical and fantastic characters, a giant, green, talking cat, and a floating wizard with no face. How do you afford to depict such supernatural characters?
Well. If you’re working for Golan Globus, you axe the cat altogether. Then, you take Orco, the floating wizard out, and give him a goofy character analogue comprised of Billy Barty with stretched out ballsac prosthesis on his face and have him run around making stupid grins, talking to cows, and being generally loveable. (Please kill it.)
Gwildor is only one thing that makes Masters of the Universe a hilarious crapfest of a film. For example, they also give Dolph Lundgren a speaking part. (Even though they don’t let him talk, too much.)
If you want to subject yourself to this movie, (you know you do, masochist) while I make fun of it with Fatboy Roberts and Erik Henriksen, come see it on Sunday at 10pm at Coho Productions! You can yell at it, too. This movie deserves it. It’s a terrible movie!
It’s a Terrible Movie!
Get your calendars up and get ready to wipe off whatever you have scheduled for Sunday the 16th of August, at 10pm. Sleeping for work the next day? Cancel work! Screw it!
Crowd Sourcing is Good Sometimes
Darth Vader?
…like when you’re making a stitchy remake of Star Wars: A New Hope using 472 15-second clips. Each done by a different person, and, of course, in a different style.
So far there are only 3 finished clips on the Star Wars: Uncut site. I have to say. I cannot wait until this is finished. I think I may even throw a viewing party for it.
Who’s with me!? (If you’re not with me, you’re against me.)
Seen Around PDX
Some of you may remember that I started a photoblog, called SeenAroundPDX, back in May. That experiment has now settled down into a ghostly torpor. I’ve decided to do all my photo posts here. I’ll still keep seenaroundpdx up in case any of you want to poke around in the archives.
That being said, here are some photos I’ve been meaning to share with you. They’re not high quality (iPhone) but I’m going to say they have conceptual value!
DVD that one of my housemates let me borrow and my review, on a post-it
An ink jet printer, in the process of being dismantled, during one of my recycling shifts at Free Geek.
I forget where I saw this. In a men's restroom somewhere.
Time to laminate grampa again.
Sleeep.
In an example of re-use that should make all of Portland proud, these people turned their Halloween skeleton into a pilgrim. Wonder if it has a Santa getup now.
Gee, PG&E. Trying to get a message across? Why don't you just write "WE ARE FUCKING GREEN AS SHIT!" on a sledgehammer and bash my fucking brains out with it.
the imager in the build workshop at Free Geek. This is four computers with easy cradle insertion/removal for the hard drives. This is where we install Ubuntu Hardy on the drives that builders install in the computers.
Jim Henson: The Christmas Toy
This movie was not only one of my favorites as a child, it was one of the films that pretty much shaped my concept of Christmas. But, it also horrified the living shit out of me. The feature revolves around a cast of toys who move around and talk and have a great time when the humans aren’t around. The catch? If the humans find them out of the place they left them, the toys become FROZEN FOREVER.
The image of that dead toy clown with the phone over it saying, “The number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected.” clung to my imagination for a long time. It’s not hard to see why this movie is terrifying to a child, when you watch it as an adult. It clearly deals with themes such as mortality and change, things that can be difficult for a child, or anyone, to accept.
I still think this movie is super awesome, and, if I have kids, I can’t wait till I can scare the shit out of them with it, too. Meteora is also super-hot. My kinda woman.
Here’s the first clip. You can find the other five parts on page 2.
