I'm in your water.

(for Ending the Energy Crisis and Defending the Integrity of the American Family)

Recently, California passed a Proposition, numbered 8, which took away from homosexuals, the right to marry, which they’d been granted earlier this year. It seems, shamefully, that very few individuals are aware of the opportunity that such a decision brings to the table. By ignoring it, we would be criminally wasting a precious resource.

Now, there are those who say we should scientifically explore ways to generate new energy. They say that, with careful plans and a resolute attitude, the economic shadow that’s fallen over the country will blow by like a summer cloud. But such whimsical nonsense is simply a wrong-headed path down the same road to ruin we’ve been on.

There are also those who say that homosexuals deserve the same rights as anyone else and should be treated as bona fide human beings. That gay marriage does no damage to the unraveling fabric of our American Family. Clearly this is wrong, as we’ve seen what happens when gay marriage is allowed elsewhere. We cannot allow our country to fall into the same endless chaos and morbid anarchy as Canada, Holland, Belgium, Spain, and South Africa. As we’ve seen Massachusetts, where they allow gay marriage, has already been twisted into a frothy bowl of Sodom. And Connecticut will soon see the waifs of broken homes wandering her streets. Equal protection under the law has been shown to be a wasteful myth!

Since we, as a democratic community have stripped them of essential rights, which we hold should be afforded to all human beings, we’ve effectively deemed that homosexuals are, in effect, sub-human. To anyone with imagination, this is just the beginning. Subhumans living among us could have all sorts of other rights taken away, rights that could otherwise keep them from being a useful resource. Let us no longer kid ourselves and let sentimentality and feelings get in the way of progress.

Our nation is in a dire crisis. The financial markets are taking a beating and we have no idea where we’ll get the energy we need to get through the century.

But, with a few more minor changes, we can halt this raging freight train of destruction in it’s smoking tracks. I would like to propose that we not rest on our laurels, but rather, take more rights from the homosexuals (since we’ve proven that, with a little outside cash, and some mild deceptive media, this is a simple thing) such as the right to live and travel where they wish, nay, even their very freedom from captivity itself!

In a way, we will also give them what they want. Lifelong partners. We can round them all up and put them in “Honeymoon Camps” where they will live out the rest of their lives in pairs, behind closed doors, where their corrupting influence cannot affect our children. Now, since it’s well known that your average homosexual has a sex drive exceeding the voracious hunger of a velociraptor. By harnessing (and they do love harnesses) them to special machines, designed to turn the power from their endless sexual movements into useable energy, we can power our cities! The electro-harness will open the floodgates of limitless energy! The lights will burn brighter than ever before in our schools and churches.

Spearheading such a massive process will take the creation of a new institution. I suggest we create a private corporation to which we can outsource the job. We can call it “The Ministry of Love” in reference to the loving unions we’ll create in the camps. In this way, we can bypass nasty red tape like “oversight”.

This may sound a little bit drastic, but you have to break some eggs to make an omelette. We can’t waste our precious resources a second longer. We must embrace this new source of power and let the thrusting hips of the gay animal propel us into the future!